When you meet someone new, you can easily get caught up focusing on all the wrong things. Yes, you might be physically attracted to this person. Yes, you might love their sense of humor. Yes, you might love what they do for a living. But the real question is …. does this person make a compatible partner?
Here are some questions you should ask yourself:
1. Can you accept this person the way they are…NOW?
We (humans) often have this problem: we look at the qualities we can deal with NOW and figure we can somehow change all the ones we can’t deal with… later. That’s simply not happening. We can’t look at people as fixer-upper homes. ‘I’ll get this house and maybe fix up the floors, change the kitchen cabinets, add an extension’…
People aren’t objects. It’s pretty impossible to change anyone’s personality or habits. Try as you hard as you want.. but a drinker will always drink. A smoker will always smoke. An angry man will always have anger issues. If it’s not your cup of tea, walk away… NOW. Otherwise, you’ll end up unhappy… later.
People never change. Sure they’ll pretend to adjust their ways temporarily (they want you to like them after all) but give them a couple of months and they’ll go right back to being who they REALLY are. And while people should be able to be themselves, if it’s a dealbreaker for you, you shouldn’t have to accept it!
2. Do you enjoy doing similar things?
You don’t have to be the exact SAME person but you certainly have to be able to enjoy doing some things together. If one person is a complete party animal that enjoys being out and spending time with friends all the time while the other person would rather sit at home on the couch with a bag of popcorn, well, that’s simply NOT going to work. You’ll both be miserable all the time living life opposite to how you would prefer. (How long can that last?)
You need to be able to enjoy activities TOGETHER at the exact same time. Otherwise, there will never be happiness. Period.
3. Are you on the same page?
Do you share similar values? Do you share similar beliefs? If you’re not sure, you’ll want to ask about this person’s religious and political views – they’re are often very indicative of where someone stands with their core values and belief systems in life. And if you totally disagree with their views, this is a recipe for conflict later. Guaranteed.
What about goals in life? Where do you see yourself in 10 years? What are you looking to achieve? What’s your plan? If this person sees themselves married on a farm with 10 kids and 5 pets and you see yourself in a busy city life making 6 figures and running the world, well, that’s just NOT going to work…despite how attracted you are to this person… NOW.
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